Self-deception
2019 June
There's a short story called There's No Such Thing as a Dragon, by Jack Kent.
A small boy, Billy Bixbee, spies a dragon sitting on his bed one morning. It's about the size of a house cat, and friendly. He tells his mother about it, but she tells him that there's no such thing as a dragon. So, it starts to grow. It eats all of Billy's pancakes. Soon it fills the whole house. Mom tries to vacuum, but she has to go in and out of the house through the windows because of the dragon everywhere. It takes her forever. Then the dragon runs off with the house. Mom still insists that the dragon does not exist, but Billy, who's pretty much had it by now, insists, "There is a dragon, Mom." Confronted with something that cannot be explained otherwise, Mom is forced to admit that the dragon must exist.
Wait, dragons don’t exist. Does this story even have a purpose? Here's my take.
As humans, we simply can't take in everything. The weight of the world upon us, everything, all at once, would be enough to drive us insane. To compromise, we focus on one detail at a time, taking what we observe and fitting the pieces into preexisting narratives. We choose to ignore what doesn't make sense, rather than question our own beliefs.
However, by ignoring what we see in front of us we often exacerbate smaller problems, and when we confront the "dragons" in our lives it's already too late. As people, we have strong tendencies to ignore warning signs and to brush off symptoms, choosing instead to believe that everything will be alright if we pretend it will be.
Jordan Peterson states this aptly: don't ever underestimate the destructive power of sins of omission.
One might ask, to call them sins – isn't that too harsh?
Consider a married couple, happily married three years. The wife of this couple begins to notice oddities in her husband's behavior. He spends more and more time away from home, conversations and intimacies become more abrasive and cold, and he spends all of his time with a new “friend” from work. Clearly, there's a dragon in her house. Confronting the warning signs would require, well, the same amount of courage as confronting a real dragon. Her perception of him would be shattered, consequently throwing her own identity into flux. She would no longer be in a happy marriage, losing a critical part of who she is. But with cognizant omission, when the truth eventually is revealed, the pain is so much worse.
Consider your own happiness. You've just began work at your dream job, and after a few weeks, you realize that you don't enjoy it as much as you thought you would. Your coworkers aren't the interesting folks you thought you would meet, your mentor seems disinterested, and the work just isn't fulfilling. You talk to your friends and family, the people you trust the most.
Oftentimes we only seek advice because we secretly want others to say something that's impossible to admit to ourselves, and this case is no different – but everyone knows how much this meant to you, and they assuage your fears. Ultimately, rather than confront the truth, you choose to stay and not question the bubble you live in.
The examples are never-ending. From personal health, to financial decisions, to our addictions, whatever they may be, we must be willing to ask what seems impossible and question ourselves honestly.
The moral of the story, then? Confronting a cat-sized dragon is certainly daunting, but even Billy knows to confront it before it grows bigger than the house.
At that point, you admit either that dragons exist or insist that your house walked away on its own - which is worse?
Note: Inspired by 12 Rules for Life, by Jordan Peterson