Following the crowd

Following the crowd is easy. Too easy. While reading Becoming by Michelle Obama, one of its passages struck a chord with me.

This may be the fundamental problem with caring a lot about what others think. It can put you on the established path – the my-isn’t-that-impressive path – and keep you there for a long time. Maybe it stops you from swerving, because what you risk losing in terms of other people’s high regard can feel too costly.

For some, [law] might be truly interesting, but for you it is not. Maybe during those three years you make friends you’ll love and respect forever, people who seem genuinely called, but you yourself are not called. Your passion stays low, yet under no circumstance will you underperform. You live, as you always have, by the code of effort/result, and with it you keep achieving until you think you know the answers to all the questions – including the most important one. Am I good enough? Yes, in fact I am.

What happens next is that the rewards get real. You reach for the next rung of the ladder … at the age of twenty-five, you have an assistant. You make more money than your parents ever have.

Is there anything to question? It doesn’t seem that way. You’re a lawyer now. You’ve taken everything ever given to you – and converted it to this. You’ve climbed the mountain.

There’s a common trope in childhood stories. Choose between someone who has money and is unhappy, or someone without much but is happy with what they have. Easy choice, right?

We’re told to “follow our dreams” and “pursue our passions”, but somewhere along the ride we realize that what we were told was just a white lie. Our peers who fail to follow the crowd and fail to excel at standardized tests are left behind, while those adept at staying ahead see their successes snowball.

But once you’ve climbed the mountain, led the crowd, what is there left to do? As Michelle Obama asked above, is there anything to question? Do we ever have room for our own passions?

It’s a question that I’ve been juggling over the last year. There isn’t a one-word answer or even a one-page answer. It’s a question that takes a lifetime to answer.

I believe that ultimately we innately know. Happiness is a truth, as subjective as it seems. Chasing our passions and dreams empowers us and drives us like nothing else. No matter how real the rewards get, nothing can fill the void of an unfulfilling career and life. Confronting the white lie “I’m happy” is something we’d rather avoid with endless perks and money, choosing to follow others as all of us have over the years.

If what we desire is nothing more than success in the eyes of the crowd, is it even success?